http://books.google.at/books?id=3TaK1vfrLAAC&q=The+Highly+sensitive+person&dq=The+Highly+sensitive+person&hl=de&sa=X&ei=BtEWT5rkK4K8-QatkIijBA&ved=0CDAQ6AEwAA
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Top 10 Survival Tips for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Secrets to surviving a highly sensitive (HSP) life
Published on May 21, 2011 by Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. in Prescriptions for Life
I've written about being a Highly Sensitive Person on this blog several times now, and each time I'm amazed by the intensity with which people respond to this topic. There are always a few critics who belittle or question the HSP concept, yet based on the huge number of page reads and overwhelmingly positive (and often grateful) responses, there really does seem to be something to this HSP phenomenon.
I first learned of this relatively common but misunderstood trait - and recognized myself in it - via the work of psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron (for detailed info on her work in this area, as well as an HSP self-test, see www.hsperson.com ). According to Aron's stats, HSPs make up 15-20 percent of the population yet often don't have a name for what has made them feel or seem "strange" or "overly sensitive" their entire life.
HSPs are easily overwhelmed by stimuli, get stressed by loud noises and strong smells, are extremely perceptive, have rich and often intense internal lives, and need plenty of quiet and down time to maintain their equilibrium (and sanity, I would personally add).
It was a great relief to me to finally understand what was "wrong" with me. I now even had an explanation for why I find any kind of violence, even the fake Hollywood kind, so abhorrent. It's not easy to go to a epic action movie with friends and to be the only one sobbing after war scenes (despite having covered my eyes the whole time - having only two hands I'm not able to cover my ears and the battle sounds alone are usually enough to push me over the edge).
Knowing what I am has helped so much, especially when it comes to supporting myself through experiences that otherwise might overload my hypersensitive senses. Here, for you, are my top ten survival strategies:
1) Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep (less than 7 hours, for most people) is well known to produce irritability, moodiness, and decreased concentration and productivity in the average person. Given our already ramped-up senses, I'm convinced that lack of sleep can make a highly sensitive life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep soothes your senses and will help you cope with an already overwhelming world.
2) Eat healthy foods regularly throughout the day
Aron points out that extreme hunger can be disruptive to an HSP's mood or concentration. Keep your edgy nerves happy by maintaining a steady blood sugar level through regular healthy well-balanced meals and snacks. I also take fish oil (omega-3) supplements daily as the brain loves these, lots of studies support their beneficial cognitive and emotional effects.
3) Wear noise-reducing headphones
A boyfriend introduced Peltor ear protecting headphones (usually used by construction workers, not pre-med students) to me when I was 19 and studying for exams. No matter where I am in the world I have had a pair with me ever since. HSPs are highly sensitive to noise, especially the kind we can't control, and my beloved headphones give me control over my personal peace in what's all too often a noisy intrusive world.
4) Plan in decompression time
HSPs don't do well with an overly packed schedule or too much time in noisy, crowded or high pressure environments. If you know you're going to spend a few hours in a challenging environment - such as a concert, a parade, or a crowded mall at Christmas time - know that you're likely to be frazzled after and will need to decompress somewhere quiet and relaxing, on your own if possible.
5) Have at least one quiet room or space to retreat to in your home
If you live with others, create a quiet safe place you can retreat to when you need to get away from people and noise. This could be a bedroom, a study, or even just a candlelit bath (or shower if that's all you have!). I've found it often helps to listen to quiet relaxing music as well, this can even drown out more jarring external noise when you need it to.
6) Give yourself time and space to get things done
I mentioned above that HSPs don't do well with a packed schedule. I've managed to structure my work life so that I work afternoon/evening shifts the days I'm at the medical clinic. This way I'm able to get out of bed without an alarm, eat a calm unrushed breakfast and putter around before getting down to business. The calm this gives me carries through my whole day. Another strategy for those who work in the morning might be getting up extra early (after 8 hours sleep, of course) to enjoy the quiet before the rest of the household wakes up.
7) Limit caffeine
HSPs are sensitive to caffeine - I usually can't even handle the traces of caffeine found in decaf coffee. If you're a coffee drinker (or dark chocolate junkie) and identify with the HSP trait description, giving up the joe might be a big step towards feeling more collected and calm.
8) Keep the lights down low
I've never liked bright lights and learning about HSP helped me understand why. Minimizing light stimulation goes a long way: I only put on low lights in the evening, and prefer to shop in certain local grocery stores which have gentle mood lighting, avoiding the garishly lit, crowded "big box" stores whenever I can.
9) Get things done in off hours
To avoid crowds and the associated noise and stimulation, I've learned to live my life outside of the average person's schedule. I grocery shop late in the evenings, run errands during the week whenever I can, go to movies on weeknights, and go out for my walks before the rest of the world hits the jogging path. An added bonus: by avoiding the crowds I usually get things done faster , and almost always get a parking spot!
10) Surround yourself with beauty and nature
Since we HSPs are so sensitive and deeply affected by our surroundings, envelop yourself with beauty and calm whenever possible. I've decorated my home simply in a way that's very pleasing to my eye, with minimal clutter and chaos. I also spend as much time as I can walking in nature, enjoying the quiet and its naturally healing and calming beauty.
Dr. Susan Biali is a practicing medical doctor, wellness expert, international speaker, life coach and professional flamenco dancer. She is also the author of Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You.
(psychologytoday.com)
Published on May 21, 2011 by Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. in Prescriptions for Life
I've written about being a Highly Sensitive Person on this blog several times now, and each time I'm amazed by the intensity with which people respond to this topic. There are always a few critics who belittle or question the HSP concept, yet based on the huge number of page reads and overwhelmingly positive (and often grateful) responses, there really does seem to be something to this HSP phenomenon.
I first learned of this relatively common but misunderstood trait - and recognized myself in it - via the work of psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron (for detailed info on her work in this area, as well as an HSP self-test, see www.hsperson.com ). According to Aron's stats, HSPs make up 15-20 percent of the population yet often don't have a name for what has made them feel or seem "strange" or "overly sensitive" their entire life.
HSPs are easily overwhelmed by stimuli, get stressed by loud noises and strong smells, are extremely perceptive, have rich and often intense internal lives, and need plenty of quiet and down time to maintain their equilibrium (and sanity, I would personally add).
It was a great relief to me to finally understand what was "wrong" with me. I now even had an explanation for why I find any kind of violence, even the fake Hollywood kind, so abhorrent. It's not easy to go to a epic action movie with friends and to be the only one sobbing after war scenes (despite having covered my eyes the whole time - having only two hands I'm not able to cover my ears and the battle sounds alone are usually enough to push me over the edge).
Knowing what I am has helped so much, especially when it comes to supporting myself through experiences that otherwise might overload my hypersensitive senses. Here, for you, are my top ten survival strategies:
1) Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep (less than 7 hours, for most people) is well known to produce irritability, moodiness, and decreased concentration and productivity in the average person. Given our already ramped-up senses, I'm convinced that lack of sleep can make a highly sensitive life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep soothes your senses and will help you cope with an already overwhelming world.
2) Eat healthy foods regularly throughout the day
Aron points out that extreme hunger can be disruptive to an HSP's mood or concentration. Keep your edgy nerves happy by maintaining a steady blood sugar level through regular healthy well-balanced meals and snacks. I also take fish oil (omega-3) supplements daily as the brain loves these, lots of studies support their beneficial cognitive and emotional effects.
3) Wear noise-reducing headphones
A boyfriend introduced Peltor ear protecting headphones (usually used by construction workers, not pre-med students) to me when I was 19 and studying for exams. No matter where I am in the world I have had a pair with me ever since. HSPs are highly sensitive to noise, especially the kind we can't control, and my beloved headphones give me control over my personal peace in what's all too often a noisy intrusive world.
4) Plan in decompression time
HSPs don't do well with an overly packed schedule or too much time in noisy, crowded or high pressure environments. If you know you're going to spend a few hours in a challenging environment - such as a concert, a parade, or a crowded mall at Christmas time - know that you're likely to be frazzled after and will need to decompress somewhere quiet and relaxing, on your own if possible.
5) Have at least one quiet room or space to retreat to in your home
If you live with others, create a quiet safe place you can retreat to when you need to get away from people and noise. This could be a bedroom, a study, or even just a candlelit bath (or shower if that's all you have!). I've found it often helps to listen to quiet relaxing music as well, this can even drown out more jarring external noise when you need it to.
6) Give yourself time and space to get things done
I mentioned above that HSPs don't do well with a packed schedule. I've managed to structure my work life so that I work afternoon/evening shifts the days I'm at the medical clinic. This way I'm able to get out of bed without an alarm, eat a calm unrushed breakfast and putter around before getting down to business. The calm this gives me carries through my whole day. Another strategy for those who work in the morning might be getting up extra early (after 8 hours sleep, of course) to enjoy the quiet before the rest of the household wakes up.
7) Limit caffeine
HSPs are sensitive to caffeine - I usually can't even handle the traces of caffeine found in decaf coffee. If you're a coffee drinker (or dark chocolate junkie) and identify with the HSP trait description, giving up the joe might be a big step towards feeling more collected and calm.
8) Keep the lights down low
I've never liked bright lights and learning about HSP helped me understand why. Minimizing light stimulation goes a long way: I only put on low lights in the evening, and prefer to shop in certain local grocery stores which have gentle mood lighting, avoiding the garishly lit, crowded "big box" stores whenever I can.
9) Get things done in off hours
To avoid crowds and the associated noise and stimulation, I've learned to live my life outside of the average person's schedule. I grocery shop late in the evenings, run errands during the week whenever I can, go to movies on weeknights, and go out for my walks before the rest of the world hits the jogging path. An added bonus: by avoiding the crowds I usually get things done faster , and almost always get a parking spot!
10) Surround yourself with beauty and nature
Since we HSPs are so sensitive and deeply affected by our surroundings, envelop yourself with beauty and calm whenever possible. I've decorated my home simply in a way that's very pleasing to my eye, with minimal clutter and chaos. I also spend as much time as I can walking in nature, enjoying the quiet and its naturally healing and calming beauty.
Dr. Susan Biali is a practicing medical doctor, wellness expert, international speaker, life coach and professional flamenco dancer. She is also the author of Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You.
(psychologytoday.com)
Hypersensitivity: Are You a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?
Could you be hypersensitive? If you keep hearing "you're so sensitive!" from family and friends, you could be a highly sensitive person (HSP) and have hypersensitivity.
by Zoe Kessler
After I told my younger sister, Melissa, about my attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) diagnosis, we reminisced about our childhood. “If there were family arguments, we would think it was something little, but, for you, it was huge,” said Melissa. “Something that I considered a minor spat, you felt was monumental and earth-shattering.” It wasn’t until I was 48 that I recognized what caused me to be a drama queen: I was born with ADD/ADHD and hypersensitivity.
What Is Hypersensitivity or Who Are Highly Sensitive People (HSP)?
Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is not a disorder. In fact, it brings many benefits, such as being able to “read” the mood of a room quickly and factoring in subtle cues when making a decision. “It’s good in some situations and not in others,” says psychologist and psychotherapist Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., author of The Highly Sensitive Person. She believes knowing that you have hypersensitivity is important. As with ADD/ADHD, being aware of it makes you realize that you’re not alone.
Symptoms of Hypersensitivity
by Zoe Kessler
After I told my younger sister, Melissa, about my attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) diagnosis, we reminisced about our childhood. “If there were family arguments, we would think it was something little, but, for you, it was huge,” said Melissa. “Something that I considered a minor spat, you felt was monumental and earth-shattering.” It wasn’t until I was 48 that I recognized what caused me to be a drama queen: I was born with ADD/ADHD and hypersensitivity.
What Is Hypersensitivity or Who Are Highly Sensitive People (HSP)?
Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is not a disorder. In fact, it brings many benefits, such as being able to “read” the mood of a room quickly and factoring in subtle cues when making a decision. “It’s good in some situations and not in others,” says psychologist and psychotherapist Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., author of The Highly Sensitive Person. She believes knowing that you have hypersensitivity is important. As with ADD/ADHD, being aware of it makes you realize that you’re not alone.
Symptoms of Hypersensitivity
- High level of sensitivity to phyiscal (via sound, sigh, touch, or smell) and or emotional stimuli
- More likely to suffer from asthma, eczema, and allergies
- Easily overwhelmed by too much information
How I Disocered My Hypersensitivity or Highly Sensitive Personality (HSP)
I first learned about the genetic nature of hypersensitivity by reading Scattered, by Gabor Maté, M.D., a physician and psychotherapist. “People with ADD are hypersensitive,” says Maté. “That is not a fault, it is how they were born. It is their inborn temperament.” When I read The Highly Sensitive Person, by psychologist and psychotherapist Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., I finally recognized this sensitivity in myself. According to Aron, 15 to 20 percent of the population is born with a high level of sensitivity.
“When you know that you are highly sensitive, it reframes your life,” says Aron. Knowing that you have this trait will enable you to make better decisions. “Sensitive people have to live differently in order to be comfortable.” Clinicians working with people with ADD/ADHD view hypersensitivity, both physical and/or emotional, as a common comorbid condition.
“[People with ADD/ADHD] often are hypersensitive in one of the sensory domains: sound, touch, or smell,” says Ned Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction. “My daughter with ADD/ADHD will only wear cotton, she won’t wear wool.”
I discovered that my longtime habit of fidgeting with my hair was due to hypersensitivity. I dislike the feel of hair strands tickling my face and neck, so I bunch it up in a knot. Before long, it feels like someone is driving her knuckles into my skull, just where I’ve knotted my hair. So down it comes. And so on, throughout the day. Other sensitivities include sounds and visual stimuli -- flashing lights and moving objects. Studies suggest that those with ADD/ADHD also suffer more from asthma, eczema, and allergies -- conditions of hypersensitivity -- than those without ADD/ADHD.
More Signs of Hypersensitivity, HSP
Prior to discovering my hypersensitivity, I perceived my over-the-top emotions as a character flaw. My mom would say, “Why can’t you get on an even keel?” As a child, I didn’t have an answer. This added to my already-low self-esteem.
“Recognizing their high sensitivity can help people stop feeling bad about themselves,” says Aron.
A friend, Denise, diagnosed with ADD/ADHD at age eight, had a similar childhood to mine. “My parents would say, ‘You need to toughen up. Don’t be so sensitive. Don’t be so influenced by what others think about you,’” says Denise. “I still find, as an adult, that if I’m fighting with peers, I immediately take their words and gestures to heart. I’m too quick to accept the nasty things they may be saying about me.”
Like me, Denise is sensitive to environmental noise. “I need to get into a forest or a quiet place every once in awhile to calm myself down. I am also overwhelmed by the constant flow of information we are bombarded with these days.”
Psychologist and ADD/ADHD coach Michele Novotni, Ph.D., says she sees higher levels of physical sensitivities and emotional reactivity in her ADD/ADHD clients than in the general population. She told me about a client whose manager made an unkind, unfair remark at work. A person without ADD/ADHD may have let the words bounce off of him, but her client, who has a high level of sensitivity, ended up in tears.
Novotni suggests that it is her ADD/ADHD clients’ feeling overwhelmed that leads to their hypersensitive reactions. This, in turn, contributes to their difficulty in coping emotionally. Take the routine of going to work in the morning. Most people get out the door without forgetting anything, ready with a game plan for the day. Someone with ADD/ADHD, who can’t sort tasks and prioritize, feels tired and overwhelmed by the time he gets to work.
“Some of my clients tell me that socializing is work,” says Novotni. “So if you think about the things that most people do for recreation as being work, you probably won’t have the resiliency to cope with other things that come down the pike.”
Why People With ADD/ADHD Are Likely to Have Hypersensitivity, HSP
“Just as we have trouble filtering what goes out,” says Hallowell, who has ADD/ADHD himself, “we have trouble filtering what comes in. I can’t back this up with research, but in my clinical experience, and in my own life, it seems that we tend to let things get to us. We take on the experiences of others very quickly, like the insect on the leaf that takes on the color of the leaf.”
Maté explains that, if ADDers are born with a high level of sensitivity, it takes less stimulation for them to feel more. We had rather tune out stimulating conversations and environments, says Maté. The more sensitive we are, the more likely we’ll feel pain. “Emotional pain and physical pain are experienced in the same part of the brain,” he says.
Many of us have discovered positive things about living with ADD/ADHD, and a high level of sensitivity may also be used to our advantage. But like ADD/ADHD, hypersensitivity must be managed and controlled to let the positive aspects -- creativity, empathy, and depth of perception -- shine through. I’ve managed to do it, and so can you.
Hypersensitivity, HSP Treatments
I first learned about the genetic nature of hypersensitivity by reading Scattered, by Gabor Maté, M.D., a physician and psychotherapist. “People with ADD are hypersensitive,” says Maté. “That is not a fault, it is how they were born. It is their inborn temperament.” When I read The Highly Sensitive Person, by psychologist and psychotherapist Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., I finally recognized this sensitivity in myself. According to Aron, 15 to 20 percent of the population is born with a high level of sensitivity.
“When you know that you are highly sensitive, it reframes your life,” says Aron. Knowing that you have this trait will enable you to make better decisions. “Sensitive people have to live differently in order to be comfortable.” Clinicians working with people with ADD/ADHD view hypersensitivity, both physical and/or emotional, as a common comorbid condition.
“[People with ADD/ADHD] often are hypersensitive in one of the sensory domains: sound, touch, or smell,” says Ned Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction. “My daughter with ADD/ADHD will only wear cotton, she won’t wear wool.”
I discovered that my longtime habit of fidgeting with my hair was due to hypersensitivity. I dislike the feel of hair strands tickling my face and neck, so I bunch it up in a knot. Before long, it feels like someone is driving her knuckles into my skull, just where I’ve knotted my hair. So down it comes. And so on, throughout the day. Other sensitivities include sounds and visual stimuli -- flashing lights and moving objects. Studies suggest that those with ADD/ADHD also suffer more from asthma, eczema, and allergies -- conditions of hypersensitivity -- than those without ADD/ADHD.
More Signs of Hypersensitivity, HSP
Prior to discovering my hypersensitivity, I perceived my over-the-top emotions as a character flaw. My mom would say, “Why can’t you get on an even keel?” As a child, I didn’t have an answer. This added to my already-low self-esteem.
“Recognizing their high sensitivity can help people stop feeling bad about themselves,” says Aron.
A friend, Denise, diagnosed with ADD/ADHD at age eight, had a similar childhood to mine. “My parents would say, ‘You need to toughen up. Don’t be so sensitive. Don’t be so influenced by what others think about you,’” says Denise. “I still find, as an adult, that if I’m fighting with peers, I immediately take their words and gestures to heart. I’m too quick to accept the nasty things they may be saying about me.”
Like me, Denise is sensitive to environmental noise. “I need to get into a forest or a quiet place every once in awhile to calm myself down. I am also overwhelmed by the constant flow of information we are bombarded with these days.”
Psychologist and ADD/ADHD coach Michele Novotni, Ph.D., says she sees higher levels of physical sensitivities and emotional reactivity in her ADD/ADHD clients than in the general population. She told me about a client whose manager made an unkind, unfair remark at work. A person without ADD/ADHD may have let the words bounce off of him, but her client, who has a high level of sensitivity, ended up in tears.
Novotni suggests that it is her ADD/ADHD clients’ feeling overwhelmed that leads to their hypersensitive reactions. This, in turn, contributes to their difficulty in coping emotionally. Take the routine of going to work in the morning. Most people get out the door without forgetting anything, ready with a game plan for the day. Someone with ADD/ADHD, who can’t sort tasks and prioritize, feels tired and overwhelmed by the time he gets to work.
“Some of my clients tell me that socializing is work,” says Novotni. “So if you think about the things that most people do for recreation as being work, you probably won’t have the resiliency to cope with other things that come down the pike.”
Why People With ADD/ADHD Are Likely to Have Hypersensitivity, HSP
“Just as we have trouble filtering what goes out,” says Hallowell, who has ADD/ADHD himself, “we have trouble filtering what comes in. I can’t back this up with research, but in my clinical experience, and in my own life, it seems that we tend to let things get to us. We take on the experiences of others very quickly, like the insect on the leaf that takes on the color of the leaf.”
Maté explains that, if ADDers are born with a high level of sensitivity, it takes less stimulation for them to feel more. We had rather tune out stimulating conversations and environments, says Maté. The more sensitive we are, the more likely we’ll feel pain. “Emotional pain and physical pain are experienced in the same part of the brain,” he says.
Many of us have discovered positive things about living with ADD/ADHD, and a high level of sensitivity may also be used to our advantage. But like ADD/ADHD, hypersensitivity must be managed and controlled to let the positive aspects -- creativity, empathy, and depth of perception -- shine through. I’ve managed to do it, and so can you.
Hypersensitivity, HSP Treatments
- Honor your sensitivity. Don’t make yourself do things that are difficult. As much as possible, choose situations that suit your temperament. Highly sensitive people need more time than others to process the events of the day, so don’t overload yourself by going out in the evening.
- Step back. Allow yourself your emotional reaction to a situation, but accept that there are other possibilities. Calm down, analyze the situation, and rethink it; pause for reflection.
- Block it out. To avoid sensory overload and anxiety, always have earplugs and a headset with you to block out noise.
- Tone it down. If crowds and noise are problems, find venues that are quieter and less populated -- a smaller grocery store instead of a major chain, for example, or a small doctor’s office located in a home instead of a large group practice at a hospital.
- Reduce extraneous stimulation by saying no to things you don’t have to do or that you just don’t want to do.
- Make sure you’ve had enough sleep, or take a nap, before facing a situation that will be highly stimulating.
- Meditate, pray, or use another relaxation method to strengthen your ability to cope with day-to-day challenges.
(additudemag.com)
This week's ADHD Solution is: Underbook yourself.
Are you chronically overbooked? Do you habitually plan more than you can accomplish in a day? And then feel bad about yourself because you didn’t get it all done?
People with ADHD tend to underestimate how long things take. We also tend to not plan for contingencies, like bad traffic or unexpected phone calls. And we rarely account for our own distractibility and impulsivity when planning our days. As a result, we constantly feel rushed and stressed. And at the end of the day, we lament all that was left undone.
Try reversing the trend by underbooking yourself. Select your usual number of tasks for the day, and then choose half of them. Plan to do just those things. Notice how great you feel at the end of the day when you’ve gotten everything done. You probably haven’t done any less work than yesterday, but you feel much better about your accomplishments.
Cutting your list in half not enough? Select even fewer tasks tomorrow. Keep experimenting until you can forecast how much you can really fit into one day. Putting unrealistic demands on yourself increases your stress, which in turn makes your ADHD symptoms even harder to manage. Who needs that?
Underbooking yourself is one easy way to maintain a positive state of mind. That’s something we can all use.
www.adhdsolutions.net
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I'm a psycho?
Today I was called a psycho by a guy whom i actually liked quite a lot and he also asked me if I had taken my meds and was also told by him to take my meds before responding, which I did not do (respond to those insults), as I know I am not a psycho and I do not feel ashamed having ADD and also do not see it as a reason to getting belittled or abused by someone.
Just now, i read this on connect.additudemag.com:
ADD Inattentive-Type wife married to Bipolar needs help
I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I’ll give it a shot. *smile*
Just now, i read this on connect.additudemag.com:
ADD Inattentive-Type wife married to Bipolar needs help
I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I’ll give it a shot. *smile*
I have ADD inattentive-type and my husband is Bipolar. We’ve been married for 21yrs. But it’s a constant uphill battle. For many years, I thought the problems we had stemmed from his Bipolar. For example, he goes on and on asking why I do the things I do.. . ranting for hours about how stupid I am and why what was I thinking?
But from reading some of the posts in this group, I think it’s me. I guess I would drive anyone crazy. . . .
I just want to inform the people that are married to people like me, to please try to be a little patient and understand we’re not this way on purpose. By the time, you’ve started ranting at us about why we did or didn’t do something, we’ve already said worse things to ourselves. That’s why we close up and don’t respond.
We didn’t set out to make your lives miserable. We think and do things different from other people. It doesn’t make us stupid, lazy, or crazy—just different.
And one of the answers was:
Calling anyone “stupid” is verbal abuse. No matter what the cause, bi-polar or ADD or anything, this behavior is not excusable. Please set your limits and inform your spouse of those boundaries. When you have reached your limit, take action. See a marriage counselor or attorney. Do not stay in an abusive situation. It doesn;t help either you or your husband.
But from reading some of the posts in this group, I think it’s me. I guess I would drive anyone crazy. . . .
I just want to inform the people that are married to people like me, to please try to be a little patient and understand we’re not this way on purpose. By the time, you’ve started ranting at us about why we did or didn’t do something, we’ve already said worse things to ourselves. That’s why we close up and don’t respond.
We didn’t set out to make your lives miserable. We think and do things different from other people. It doesn’t make us stupid, lazy, or crazy—just different.
And one of the answers was:
Calling anyone “stupid” is verbal abuse. No matter what the cause, bi-polar or ADD or anything, this behavior is not excusable. Please set your limits and inform your spouse of those boundaries. When you have reached your limit, take action. See a marriage counselor or attorney. Do not stay in an abusive situation. It doesn;t help either you or your husband.
So Thank God that guy called me a psycho before marriage and not after! I think what people with AD(H)D need to learn is to have more self-esteem and to realize that we are not ill and not less valuable to society, family etc. than people who do not have AD(H)D. Maybe there are some things that we cannot do as well as others, but therefore there are things that we can handle much much better than them :) we should focus more on what we can, than on what we can't!
Reduce Anxiety Naturally
Six tips for treating anxiety without medication.
by Sandy Maynard
For those of us with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD), a little worry can quickly escalate to full-blown anxiety. When stress levels rise, we procrastinate, which only exacerbates ADD/ADHD symptoms. We become more forgetful, disorganized, and distracted. Amy, a working mother diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, is a worrier. As a freelance event planner, she uses her inclination to worry to anticipate problems that might ruin an event. She is successful, in part, because of it. At home, though, Amy can’t turn off the worry switch.
We agreed that life was not as easy as planning for an event. Life is unpredictable. When Amy realized that needless worry was sapping her emotional energy and motivation, she made changes that gave her a sense of peace. These days, when Amy worries about something she can’t do anything about, she writes her worry down on a scrap of paper, shreds it, and stops thinking about it. She also takes yoga classes three times a week, which reduces anxiety. Here are other suggestions that help Amy worry less and enjoy life more:
Limit or postpone worrisome thoughts.
Set a timer and give yourself permission to worry, for a specific amount of time. Writing worries down to mull over later also helps free you from them. Reading about something you worried about in the fresh light of a new day makes it seem unfounded.
Try for perfect; settle for imperfect.
Making your best effort at work is always a good goal. But you can’t be perfect in all facets of your job, or your life, without your effort causing you worry and burnout. A client of mine is an excellent technical writer, who works in health-care communications. When she started her job, she’d fret over e-mails and memos to coworkers, making sure every word was a pearl, sometimes at the expense of meeting the deadline. This resulted in 60-hour workweeks, burnout, and, eventually, late assignments. We decided she would save her writing skills, and her perfectionism, for the documents that really counted -- the ones that were written for outside clients.
Do what you can.
Thinking about everything that could go wrong does not make life more predictable or safe. Excessive worry prevents you from enjoying the present. Those with ADD/ADHD worry about things going wrong, because things have gone wrong in the past. Doing things differently gives you the assurance that you’ve done all you can to change the outcome. So you can stop worrying. One ADD/ADHD mom who went back to work after maternity leave worried about whether the nanny she hired would take good care of her daughter while she was at the office. She installed a nanny-cam that allowed her to monitor the babysitter. It calmed her fears.
Re-frame negative thoughts.
Many with ADD/ADHD have low self-esteem, which results in negative thinking and debilitating worry. Challenging negative thoughts with positive thinking can short-circuit the process. Sam, a new hire at a prestigious law firm, felt insecure about being able to do a good job. We decided that, when he had doubts, he should remind himself that the brightest in the business decided to hire him over other applicants.
Tell your worry to a supportive friend.
I had a tough time picking out a dress for my son’s wedding. It should have been the happiest shopping trip I ever made, but it wasn’t. I worried about everything I tried on: Was it too short? The wrong color? Too fancy? Too plain? I couldn’t make a decision until I asked my girlfriend to join me on a second trip. She dismissed my worries, and I walked out with the perfect dress.
Learn relaxation exercises.
Simple breathing techniques, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can be done almost any time that worries escalate and create indecision and inaction. Several studies show that meditation increases attention while reducing stress.
by Sandy Maynard
For those of us with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD), a little worry can quickly escalate to full-blown anxiety. When stress levels rise, we procrastinate, which only exacerbates ADD/ADHD symptoms. We become more forgetful, disorganized, and distracted. Amy, a working mother diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, is a worrier. As a freelance event planner, she uses her inclination to worry to anticipate problems that might ruin an event. She is successful, in part, because of it. At home, though, Amy can’t turn off the worry switch.
We agreed that life was not as easy as planning for an event. Life is unpredictable. When Amy realized that needless worry was sapping her emotional energy and motivation, she made changes that gave her a sense of peace. These days, when Amy worries about something she can’t do anything about, she writes her worry down on a scrap of paper, shreds it, and stops thinking about it. She also takes yoga classes three times a week, which reduces anxiety. Here are other suggestions that help Amy worry less and enjoy life more:
Limit or postpone worrisome thoughts.
Set a timer and give yourself permission to worry, for a specific amount of time. Writing worries down to mull over later also helps free you from them. Reading about something you worried about in the fresh light of a new day makes it seem unfounded.
Try for perfect; settle for imperfect.
Making your best effort at work is always a good goal. But you can’t be perfect in all facets of your job, or your life, without your effort causing you worry and burnout. A client of mine is an excellent technical writer, who works in health-care communications. When she started her job, she’d fret over e-mails and memos to coworkers, making sure every word was a pearl, sometimes at the expense of meeting the deadline. This resulted in 60-hour workweeks, burnout, and, eventually, late assignments. We decided she would save her writing skills, and her perfectionism, for the documents that really counted -- the ones that were written for outside clients.
Do what you can.
Thinking about everything that could go wrong does not make life more predictable or safe. Excessive worry prevents you from enjoying the present. Those with ADD/ADHD worry about things going wrong, because things have gone wrong in the past. Doing things differently gives you the assurance that you’ve done all you can to change the outcome. So you can stop worrying. One ADD/ADHD mom who went back to work after maternity leave worried about whether the nanny she hired would take good care of her daughter while she was at the office. She installed a nanny-cam that allowed her to monitor the babysitter. It calmed her fears.
Re-frame negative thoughts.
Many with ADD/ADHD have low self-esteem, which results in negative thinking and debilitating worry. Challenging negative thoughts with positive thinking can short-circuit the process. Sam, a new hire at a prestigious law firm, felt insecure about being able to do a good job. We decided that, when he had doubts, he should remind himself that the brightest in the business decided to hire him over other applicants.
Tell your worry to a supportive friend.
I had a tough time picking out a dress for my son’s wedding. It should have been the happiest shopping trip I ever made, but it wasn’t. I worried about everything I tried on: Was it too short? The wrong color? Too fancy? Too plain? I couldn’t make a decision until I asked my girlfriend to join me on a second trip. She dismissed my worries, and I walked out with the perfect dress.
Learn relaxation exercises.
Simple breathing techniques, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can be done almost any time that worries escalate and create indecision and inaction. Several studies show that meditation increases attention while reducing stress.
(additudemag.com)
Monday, December 26, 2011
This week's ADHD Solution is: Watch your body clock.
ADHD is inconsistent. Sometimes we can do things easily, and other times, the exact same task is nearly impossible. It’s unpredictable. But sometimes you can find a pattern when you look at your body rhythms. Are you a night owl? Usually sleepy after lunch? Unstoppable right after your morning coffee kicks in?
Identifying your most productive time of day will help you make the best use of your time. Tackle your most difficult, important work when you’re at your best. You’ll be more likely to complete it, and complete it well. Conversely, it may be counterproductive to work on mission critical tasks when your energy is low.
I used to work late at night after my son went to bed. It seemed like a great way to juggle the demands of motherhood and career. But more often than not, when I reviewed my work the next morning, it was incoherent, full of mistakes, and had to be redone. After a while I made the connection. I don’t work late at night any more.
When are you at your best? How can you restructure your work accordingly?
www.adhdsolutions.net
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