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It’s Not People-Pleasing. It’s Self-Abandonment.

People pleasing is not a virtue. It’s not altruistic and selfless to prioritize others’ needs over our own. It’s an insidious and self-sabotaging habit, especially for those of us living with ADHD who feel like we’re constantly letting people down and, therefore, must do more, more, more.

But people pleasing, as I and others with ADHD know, often results in little more than broken promises — to others, and to ourselves. People-pleasing behaviors like failing to set boundaries, readily assuming blame, and being overly agreeable for validation’s sake lead to unmet goals, dissatisfaction, burnout, and resentment.

What finally helped me address people-pleasing behaviors was a powerful reframe: I’m not pleasing people; I’m abandoning myself.

It hit hard when I thought of how many times I’ve abandoned myself across my life, but I let this realization propel me to do better for myself.

How to Stop Abandoning Yourself

Read more here.

When Perfectionism Stems from ADHD: Challenging the Fallacy of “Not Good Enough”

Perfectionism, when unhealthy, drives a person to exhaustion striving for a flawlessness that’s neither reasonable nor healthy. Though it may seem contradictory, perfectionist traits may stem from ADHD — an overcompensation for past errors or for feeling “not good enough.” Letting go of perfectionism does not mean eliminating worries around mistakes, failure, and judgment, but rather accepting that they are part of life — and one that can help us grow.

By Sharon Saline, Psy.D.

Perfectionism is rarely an enviable trait. It is not on-time birthday cards and spotless kitchens, or even taxes submitted before the deadline. Perfectionism is an unhealthy obsession with flawlessness that causes people to set unattainable personal standards, compare themselves to others, and never quite feel “good enough.” It can make criticism, even constructive, cut like a knife. And it can advance mental health conditions, like anxiety.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), perfectionism is the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance – above and beyond what is required by the situation.

Though the link may seem unlikely at first glance, perfectionism is also strongly associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD).2 For some, perfectionism is a psychological overcompensation for past ADHD-related errors or for feelings of inferiority. For others, it is a form of self-punishment or even procrastination. Perfectionism often stems from this: incorrectly estimating the demands of a task or situation, misunderstanding when to let some things go and the inability of accessing resources to help you cope with a perceived challenge.

Decreasing perfectionism begins with cultivating self-awareness and adopting strategies to dissolve patterns of anxiety and negative self-talk. People with ADHD may also benefit from improving the executive functions that help them combat procrastination and other self-defeating behaviors that feed into perfectionism.

Perfectionism: Signs, Types, and Link to Anxiety

Perfectionism can manifest in various ways, including the following:

Please read more here.