40 Brilliant Neurodivergent Life Hacks

Leave it to ADHD brains to devise ingenious MacGyver-esque life hack ideas that leave you thinking, “Why didn’t I think of that?” or “I thought I was the only one who did this!”

Let the following strategies, contributed by ADDitude readers, inspire you to break loose from “shoulds,” do things your way, and adapt daily habits to make tasks easier, more palatable, and more likely to get done.

https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/life-hacks-neurodivergent

Help youself, use tools!

I believe that one doesn't have to indulge in "being mentally ill" or having a "disorder" as others around oneself claim or in articles written by people who often don't know how it really is.

I'm usually not into Newspeak, but I have seen too often, what the word "Disorder" does with people. They start believing, that something is wrong with them, they are not worthy, etc., and are not able to see the positive side because they are told too often that they don't function because they are not like the majority.

That, of course, can be utter bs!

I don't have the H of ADHD, in fact - like my dad - I don't have enough energy but being stubborn - I'm a Taurus or maybe just so - by nature, I don't give up on my tiredness, pain or constantly having dozens of thoughts at the same time in my mind. I use tools that help me!

As a kid I constantly heard I was not good enough, my mind was up in the clouds, and I was constantly incompetent and stupid. When I got older I was constantly told, I was depressive, because - like my dad - I liked sitting for hours, reading a book a day and I always thought "Nooooo, I'm not in that dark place. I like life, I enjoy going out and like meeting people and having fun!" My mother, born in the 1940s didn't know better and also didn't care. Also, doctors in my country in the 1980s and 1990s didn't know better.

When I moved to the US in the beginning of 2000 they finally found out that - tada! I have ADD and I got meds that helped me concentrate and have enough energy.

I took the meds (Ritalin in the US, Concerta afterward in my country) and used the chance to build up my life and become the assistant of a CEO of a construction company - without ever having finished high school!

A big role in accomplishing that were the AD(H)D traits hyperfocus, thinking out of the box for problem-solving, energy (muahahaha!), and being really able to multi-task!

But, as good as I was, I had one negative trait - forgetfulness!

Until my favorite boss, the CEO, said to me "You need to always carry a pen and paper with you!". I was surprised and thought "How many secretaries can remember everything when she's on the phone, talking, writing things down, and then the boss throws tasks at her while running by!" but started doing so and it indeed worked - I stopped forgetting.

Since then I write down every single task - no matter how big or small.

At home, I write down all appointments in my Google calendar on my phone as well as on a paper calendar that is hanging on a wall of my anteroom, so that I always see it when I come home or before I leave home. Like that, I can't forget appointments.

I also keep my shopping list on my phone because there is nothing more annoying than going to the supermarket and then coming home just to find out you have forgotten something you really want or need *facepalm*

Older generations are often clean and tidy. My mum either had a mild form of OCD next to ADHD and a personality disorder or was demon-possessed but nothing ever lay around, everything was neat and tidy like in a museum.

I am clean and hygienic, but I am not extreme like my mother at all. In private - not at the job - I have learned to live with my ADD trait of doing things, then starting something else, and then going back to the first thing I did. When I am too tired or lazy to do something I have planned, I don't stress myself and do it the next day. Being a hardcore single of course makes being that way easier!

Having cleaned several houses for other people I have noticed that others who have not been diagnosed with AD(H)D are not cleaner or tidier than me. They are just distracted by their TV instead of AD(H)D which doesn't make one or the other reason and person better or worse.

Anyway, using tools, that can help you be and stay organized can also improve the way you see AD(H)D, your personal traits, and with that also your whole life!

ADHD Relief Music

Today, my colleague showed me this video. Though it doesn't work for me, it works well for her, so I thought I share it with you:

Personally, train sounds help me to relax and concentrate:

This week's ADHD Solution: Talk to yourself.

They used to say that talking to yourself is a sign of insanity.  Then they said it’s okay to talk to yourself, as long as you don’t answer.  I must be crazy, because I have conversations with myself all the time.   I happen to think it’s healthy.   It’s hard to keep things straight in the ADHD brain with so many different thoughts racing around in there.  Verbalizing helps us sort through things.  Saying something out loud makes it more tangible, and thus easier to follow and remember. 

I think crazy vs. sane, or healthy vs. unhealthy, has more to do with how you talk to yourself than with whether or not you do it.  It’s crazy and unhealthy to berate yourself.  It’s sane and quite beneficial to find that voice of reason and give it air time, letting it be your guide.  

Here are some examples of healthy self talk:

•    I can do this!

•    Ignore the computer.  It’s a trap!

•    Is this really what I want to be doing?

•    I’ll feel much better after this is done.  

•    What can I do differently next time?

Here are some statements you’d be better served to put a lid on:

•    I am so stupid!

•    Why can’t I do anything right?

•    Nothing ever goes my way.

•    Why am I so irresponsible?

•    Why do I always make things so difficult?

Self talk is powerful.  The choice is yours whether you use it to your advantage or your detriment.  As Don Miguel Ruiz said in his book “The Four Agreements”, be impeccable with your word.  Don’t use it against yourself.  You’ll be much happier if you always make it a point to treat yourself with respect.

(www.adhdsolutions.net)

Stand Up for Your Child with ADHD

How parents can explain ADHD to doubters both in and outside the family.

by Edward Hallowell, M.D.

You are sitting on the sidelines of the soccer field watching a melt down from your daughter with attention deficit disorder (ADHD). She stomps off the field, throws her water bottle on the ground, and argues with a teammate — all because she missed a kick.

You’re not surprised. It’s 4 p.m., and her ADD medication is wearing off. It’s a difficult time of day for her, and you’ve learned to joke together about late afternoon, calling it the witching hour.

Then the mother next to you mutters, “Someone ought to get that kid under control!” and your blood boils. You’d love to set her straight, but you hold your tongue.

You are less likely to hold back when the criticism comes from family. You expect support from those you love. So when your sister says, “Really Mary, you ought to discipline that child!” you probably don’t want to let her comments go unanswered.

You’ve told them a dozen times that she has ADD, but they “don’t believe in it” or “don’t get it.” Their criticisms are an unfair indictment of your parenting skills — and of your child. You know you’re not incompetent, and they should, too. What to do?

Talk Down Your Family

Unless you want to be forever banned from your sister’s house, take a just-the-facts approach. Tell her that it’s important to you that she learn about ADHD, so that she can better understand her wonderful niece. You can facilitate her education by giving her a book about attention deficit or by explaining what you know about the condition.

Another option is discussing your daughter’s doctor’s appointments with your sister. Sharing information about the ADHD diagnosis tests, as well as the doctor’s opinions, may help her understand that ADD is real and that it is the cause of your daughter’s behavior.

You might take the same approach with a mother-in-law, but let your husband do the talking. If that doesn’t work, there might be other reasons why she resists your daughter’s diagnosis. Her behavior might remind her of your husband’s behavior at that age — and evoke anger or unpleasant memories.

You can figure this out by asking some “why” and “what” questions: “Why don’t you believe what we are telling you?” “What is it, specifically, that is bothering you?” are good starting points. Your mother-in-law’s anger is valid, but it should not invalidate a diagnosis of ADHD.

Educate Your Friends When a close friend says something about your child that upsets you, avoid inflammatory debate. Instead, offer guidance to help her respond supportively.

If a friend says, “David would do fine in school, if he would just try harder,” point out that David is trying very hard, but that it takes him longer to acquire the study, time management and organizational skills that come easier to other children.

Explain the key elements of David’s ADD, and the efforts that your family is making to support him. If you need help, there are a number of good resources, including my own Delivered from Distraction and A User’s Guide to the Brain, by Dr. John Ratey.

Finally, ask your friend if she might be willing to accept your daughter for who she is. In doing this, your friend gets a “two-for”—she expands the circle of people who are cheering your daughter on, and she recognizes the effort that you are making on your child’s behalf.

Don’t Forget About You

Supportive friends and extended family are only part of the picture. Make sure that your child knows, every day, how much you love her. Several studies suggest that loving acceptance by parents is the most important thing teens with ADD need in dealing with symptoms.

Showing your love and affection will buoy your child’s sense of hope and help the family weather any criticism that will be directed their way.

(additudemag.com)

The Meaning of ADD/ADHD

The more children know what ADD/ADHD means, the better. Here's how and why you should explain the meaning of ADD/ADHD to your child.

by Larry Silver, M.D.

Your son or daughter has been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD). You’ve done your due diligence, learning about the condition and how the symptoms affect him, academically and socially. Great. But have you shared what ADD/ADHD means with your child? Does she understand why she does things that upset others? Does he know why he is taking medication and how it works? Saying, “You are so hyper all of the time” makes your child feel he is doing something wrong. Saying, “Sometimes your brakes don’t work so well, so you say and do things that might upset your friends” is better.

How Well Should You Explain What ADD/ADHD Means?

Explaining ADD/ADHD to your child, and giving him the words to tell you how his symptoms affect him, will allow you to work more effectively with doctors, teachers, and family members. Martha’s third-grade teacher tells her mom that she is not paying attention during math period. Martha knows how ADD/ADHD affects her and knows the reason for her inattention. “I sit next to a window in math class, and I can’t filter out the noises coming from the playground. The noises make it hard for me to listen to the teacher.” Martha’s mom asks the teacher to move her daughter away from the window. Her grades improve.

Alex, a fourth-grader, gets into trouble running around and bothering the other kids during lunchtime. Like Martha, Alex knows about ADD/ADHD and knows how to talk about it. His dad asks him why he is acting up. “Dad, my brakes work fine until around 11:30. Then, they don’t work too good, and it is hard for me not to run around.” His dad asks, “When do your brakes start to work again?” Alex says, “When I go back to class after lunch.” Alex’s dad realizes that his morning dose of medication wears off around noon and that his afternoon dose doesn’t kick in until he returns to class. That explains his hyperactivity in the cafeteria. He asks Alex’s doctor to switch to a longer-acting medication, and the lunch-period problems stop.

If your child doesn’t understand how ADD/ADHD affects him, he can’t tell you what’s bothering him. Worse, he feels bad about his behaviors because he doesn’t know what’s causing them.

Using the Right Words to Explain the Meaning of ADD/ADHD

There are three groups of behaviors that you may need to explain. Some kids will have one of these, some two, and others all three.

• Hyperactivity: difficulty sitting still; being fidgety and squirmy.
• Inattention: This might be noticed as distractibility (difficulty blocking out unimportant auditory or visual stimulation, having a short attention span); lack of attention (difficulty blocking out internal thoughts); executive function difficulties (problems with organization of materials and thoughts, resulting in losing, forgetting, or misplacing things; difficulty organizing and using information; difficulty with time management).
• Impulsivity: speaking or acting without thinking.

Once you know which behaviors your child exhibits, use the right words to describe them. Here’s what I tell patients:

Explaining Hyperactivity to Children With ADD/ADHD

“Our brain is amazing. It has one area that makes our muscles move. I think of the pedal in a car that makes the car move. It’s called the accelerator. Next to this pedal is another one called the brake. The brakes slow down the car. Some children have a problem with their brakes, so the motor is always running and it is hard to slow down or stop the car. When your brakes don’t work well, it is hard to slow down your body.”

Explaining Distractibility to Children With ADD/ADHD

“Our brain is always reacting to things we see and hear. If we paid attention to everything around us, we couldn’t pay attention to the teacher’s words or to what Mommy is asking you to do. Our brain has a way of blocking out what is not important, so that we can pay attention to what is important. I call this part of the brain the filter. One set of filters blocks out unimportant sounds and another blocks out unimportant sights. Your filter for blocking out unimportant sounds is not working well. So anything you hear comes right in and gets your attention, distracting you.”

Explaining Inattention to Children With ADD/ADHD

“In addition to being able to block out unimportant things we see or hear, we often have to block out unimportant thoughts. When I ask you to hang up your coat, you may be busy thinking about the play date you will have with your friend. Our brain has filters to block out unrelated thoughts, so that we can focus on what we should be paying attention to. If this filter is not working, you seem to be distracted because you are focusing on other thoughts.”

Explaining Executive Function Problems to Children With ADD/ADHD

“There is a part of the brain that helps children keep track of their things. I call this the organizer. Sometimes your organizer does not work as well as you would like. So you might lose, forget, or misplace things.”

Explaining Impulsivity to Children With ADD/ADHD

“Our brains have lots of thoughts and ideas running around in them. Some thoughts are helpful; some aren’t. It is important to think about all of them and to pick the right ones to act on. To do this, our brain has a part I call the pause button. When you press it, you tell your brain to wait until you have considered all of the ideas floating around in your head. If your pause button is not working well, you act on your first thoughts. Only later do you realize what you have done or said, and wish that you had thought more about it.”

Explaining Medication to Children With ADD/ADHD

“Your brakes don’t always work well, so Mommy and the teacher get upset with you. This medicine will help your brakes work better, so that you are not as active. People will not be so upset with you, and you will feel more relaxed.”

When your child understands her ADD/ADHD and how it impacts her, life becomes less unpredictable and confusing. She will understand why certain behaviors happen, and not get down on herself for having them. Find your own words for communicating with your child. You -- and she -- will benefit.

(additudemag.com)

12 Ways to Help Your Child Cope With ADHD

Try these methods to help your child manage ADHD without taking meds.

The Right Way to Fight: ADHD Relationship Advice

Relationship advice from experts who say that "fighting fair" keeps dust-ups from turning destructive in an ADHD marriage.

by Michele Novotni, Ph.D.

Filed Under: ADHD and Marriage, ADHD and Relationships, ADHD Communication Skills, ADHD Dating,ADHD Social Skills

It's no secret that people with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) have trouble regulating their emotions. This can lead them to jump to the wrong conclusion or to take offense where none was intended. Mild disagreements can quickly turn into bitter fights.

Before your anger gets the best of you, follow this ADHD relationship advice -- tested by real marriages -- to make your union stronger.

When one or both "halves" of a couple have ADHD, anger, resentment, and quarreling are all too common. But don't take it from me. Consider these statements made to me recently by some of my clients in ADHD marriages:

"Tom can go from zero to 100 in 10 seconds," says Tom's wife. Unfortunately, she isn't talking about driving. She's talking about his anger.

"There's just no reasoning with her when she gets upset," John says of his wife. "It's like quicksand. The more I struggle to escape, the deeper I sink."

"I don't understand why she gets so upset," says Bob. "Out of the clear blue, my wife gets mad and stomps out of the room, slamming the door behind her."

If people with ADD are to minimize strife in their relationships, they must "fight fair" and be willing to compromise. After all, in most disagreements neither partner is entirely right or entirely wrong.

Understand each other's values

What matters most to you? What matters most to your partner? If you take the time to find out where your values coincide - and where they diverge - your disagreements will be less likely to take a nasty turn.

Imagine a couple having a discussion about housekeeping. One partner (who values time above money) wants to hire someone to clean the house once a week. The other partner (who values money above time) considers that an extravagance. There's no right or wrong here - just a clash of values. So, rather than argue their positions, the partners talk about the values that underlie them. They compromise, and hire a cleaning person to come in once every two weeks.

Establish ground rules

These should govern how, when, and where arguments will proceed. If you or your partner takes ADD medication, for example, it's probably a good idea to limit potentially explosive conversations to times when impulsivity and other symptoms are fully controlled. If you have a hard time controlling your temper in conversations, perhaps you could agree to hold conversations via e-mail.

One couple I've worked with decided to discuss difficult issues only after the children had gone to bed.

Another couple agreed to wait until the weekend to have difficult discussions - because during the week they're simply too tired to think clearly.

One ground rule, above all others, is especially important: Stop any discussion right away if you or your partner becomes angry. Take a breather and return to the discussion 30 minutes later, after the anger has dissipated. Go for a walk, visit a neighbor, or play with a pet. You might consider this a time-out for grown-ups.

It's not always easy to delay discussions - especially if you or your partner tends to be impulsive. But it's a skill worth cultivating, for the sake of your relationship.

Restate your partner's words

If your partner says something with which you violently disagree, stifle the urge to pounce. Consider the possibility that you have missed - or misinterpreted - something. The best way to do this is to restate, in your own words, what you think your partner said - and how your partner feels. Then ask your partner if you've gotten it right.

Don't continue the discussion until you're certain that you understand your partner's position.

Look for anger cues

In many instances, it's possible to sidestep disagreements altogether if each partner watches for signs that the other is becoming annoyed.

Consider my client Bob and his wife, who always seemed to get angry at him "out of the blue." Once the three of us talked things over, Bob had an important realization: Long before she blew up at him, his wife showed many signs of anger - clenched fists, crossed arms, facial flushing, and changes in her tone of voice. Things got better between them once he started paying closer attention to these non-verbal cues - and once she agreed to try to express herself more directly.

Keep things in perspective

Arguments take a heavy physical and mental toll. Is it really worth the time and emotional stress? Often it's better to be like Teflon - and let things slide - than to be like Velcro, quickly grabbing on to every annoyance or perceived slight.

(additudemag.com)

Timers for ADD Adults and ADHD Children

These gadgets will help you get organized and get things done on time.

by Sandy Maynard

Most adults and children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) do well using a simple kitchen timer. Decide how much time you need to do something -- five minutes, an hour, and so on -- and set it. When the buzzer sounds, it’s time to move on.

If you have trouble remembering to perform specific, recurring tasks (taking ADD/ADHD drugs, picking up the kids, and so on), you might do well with a WatchMinder (watchminder.com). This wristwatch-like device displays any of 60 preprogrammed messages and up to three customized messages. You can set as many as 30 alarms to vibrate or beep.

If you’re the sort of person who simply loses track of time, you might prefer a Time Timer (timetimer.com). This gadget, available in clock or watch form, as well as a computer program, shows remaining time with a shrinking red disc.

(additudemag.com)

Taming the Temper-Prone ADDer

If you overreact or get defensive for no reason, these anger-management tips can help.

by Sandy Maynard

Filed Under: ADHD and Anger, ADHD and Anxiety, ADHD Social Skills,

Do you lash out when your spouse reminds you — nicely — to take out the dog or pick up a gallon of milk? Do you fly off the handle when the boss asks you to turn in the next assignment on time?

I know many people who do, including myself. In fact, many of us adults with attention deficit disorder (ADD/ADHD) lack restraint when we think that someone is dissing us. The question is: Are they? Because many of us have low self-esteem — after years of negative interactions — we are hypersensitive to criticism, real or imagined.

Bursts of anger have repercussions that last much longer than the few seconds it takes to vent. Having an argument in the workplace can get you fired. Blowing up at a loved one can strain the relationship. And it all takes a toll on your self-esteem — bringing remorse or shame for days afterward.

Get the Anger Out?

My client, Mike, came to me to learn some anger-management strategies after he realized his ADD tantrums had damaged his relationship with his teenage son, who, like Mike, has attention deficit. Mike had long believed that “getting the anger out of [his] system” was healthy.

Until now. “My outbursts are creating a rift between me and my son that doubling his allowance won’t repair,” he told me. “I need to figure out how to keep anger in check — or I may make front-page news for strangling my son!”

I explained that most teens know which buttons to press, because they installed them. After a good laugh, we identified the times when Mike was most likely to lose his temper — after a tough day at work when he had screwed up an assignment. When he came home to find that his son hadn’t taken out the garbage — again — Mike got upset. If his son had a fender bender, received a parking ticket, or cut out of school early, Mike blew his lid.

Help, Don’t Yell

I reminded Mike that he must maintain realistic expectations about his son, who was easily distracted. Mike came to see that neither he nor his son was perfect, and that he should adjust his own imperfect behavior. Instead of yelling at his teen for forgetting to do a chore, Mike worked on helping him remember to do it by posting a list on a bulletin board in the kitchen and reinforcing it with text messages during the day.

If Mike’s son still forgot — or got into trouble at school — Mike learned to observe his rising anger, and figured out ways to short-circuit it. He took a relaxing walk with his dog and deferred discussions with his son until Saturday or Sunday morning, when he felt refreshed and less pressured by his job. He and his son were able to talk calmly — and productively — during those chats.

Finally, Mike found comfort in a local ADD support group for parents contending with similar problems. It is a great comfort to him to know that he isn’t alone with his anger problems.

Hit the Pause Button

Another client, Karin, who was sweet and personable during her visits, surprised me when she told me she had problems managing her anger at work. Karin was furious with a coworker who frequently blamed her for something that wasn’t her fault.

Instead of talking with the coworker or her immediate supervisor, she acted impulsively and went to the boss to defend herself. “Knowing that everyone thought it was my fault that the company lost the contract made me so angry,” says Karin. “I felt I had to let Mr. James know that it wasn’t.” Karin’s supervisor was livid about

We talked about a strategy that would let her indulge her anger without acting rashly. I suggested that she set a timer and let herself be angry for five minutes. After the time was up, she had to move on. I also had her place a visual cue next to her phone that would remind her to pause before taking rash action — like calling the boss. She rummaged through her photos and found a snapshot of herself and her kids making sand castles on the beach.

“Looking at the photo does two things for me when I get angry,” says Karin. “It reminds me that my job is not as important as it seems. What counts most is my relationship with my family. It also reminds me that my happiness doesn’t come from my job but from within—and that no coworker or boss can take it away from me.”

Karin still gets angry at work, so she has expanded her cuing strategy: She keeps a draft folder for e-mails labeled “Wait On.” If she thinks she is sending e-mail out of anger, she lets her message sit for 24 hours and re-reads it before hitting the send button. “Many of these e-mails never leave that folder. If I decide to send one, I edit out rude or inappropriate remarks before doing so.”

And when she does slip up and says something that she regrets later? “I own up to my mistake and apologize.” Not all of her apologies are accepted graciously, but saying she’s sorry makes her feel better about herself. As a result, her relationship with her coworkers has improved dramatically.

(additudemag.com)

AD(H)D - Practical strategies to ease communication tangles

For Partners of Adults with ADD/ADHD:

• Eliminate distracting noises (turn off the TV or computer) before speaking with your partner.
• Touch your partner on the arm or shoulder before speaking, allowing him time to shift his focus from what he was doing to the conversation you are having. 
• Ask your partner to repeat what you've said, to make sure it was understood. 
• Speak concisely, eliminating superfluous detail.

For Adults with ADD/ADHD:

• Recognize that listening closely to your partner means that you value him. 
• Listen first, respond second. Set aside what you were doing, what you're thinking of doing when your partner finishes talking, or unrelated topics. If you need time to shape a response, ask for it.  
• Use relaxation techniques to clear your mind before important conversations.

For Couples:

• For some topics, e-mail works best. An adult with ADD/ADHD needs time to formulate a response, without feeling the pressure of having to respond immediately. 
• Don't insist on eye contact when talking about something important. Eye contact distracts some ADHDers.  
• Walk and talk. Exercise reduces stress and increases blood flow to the brain.

When these strategies fall short, consider taking a stimulant, if you're not doing so already. "Stimulants often help transmit messages more reliably," Kutscher says, "as well as enabling the person to pay attention to the information being talked about." Both are essential to sustaining a relationship.

(additudemag.com)

What Kids Need When Classmates Reject Them

Parents can save the day for their ADHD child with these hopeful, helpful strategies for finding enduring friendships.

Your son takes medication and goes to behavioral therapy two times a week. Great! He focuses better and is less impulsive, but the treatments haven't done much for peer problems for these three kids:

>>Drew, 11, had a special item on his Christmas list last year. Right below the video game Angry Birds, he asked for a friend. When his mom, Julia, read it, she excused herself and went into the bathroom to cry.

>>Barbara was excited over the new smartphone she got for her twelfth birthday. When the phone prompted her to input friends' phone numbers, it took her five seconds. Barbara has one "friend," sort of, from the school science club, who returns Barbara's calls when she feels like it.

>>Mark, 14, asked his mom to take a day trip with him on Saturday morning. His mom, Jennifer, reminded him that he had a birthday party to go to later that day and said they could take the trip next weekend. "My friend dis-invited me yesterday," said Mark, quietly. "He texted me, saying that the party is just for his closest friends. He's sorry, but he made a mistake." Mark's mom wanted to give an earful to the friend's parents, but decided that it would make her son, and his ADHD, stand out more.

We all know that ADHD kids need friends, or just a good buddy they can count on when they want to laugh, cry, or act goofy. Parents of kids with ADHD take creative avenues -- befriending parents they don't like because their son gets along with their son -- to arrange friendships for them.

A new study in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology suggests that while having friends sets the table for a successful life, being rejected by those friends pulls the tablecloth out from under a child in ways that parents or children can't imagine.

Kids with ADHD who are rejected have higher rates of cigarette smoking, delinquency, anxiety, depression, and are more likely to engage in antisocial behavior, which can last into adulthood.

Kids who are shown the door by classmates...

>> lose out on practicing social skills in the real world

>>don't have the caring and perspective of a friend to blunt the rejection

>>withdraw or act out to cope with the hurt of being rejected, which leads to more rejection.

Moms and dads, say the experts, can short-circuit this downward spiral of hopelessness and isolation with a savvy game plan.

>>Keep teaching social skills to your child, but let him road test those skills in a safe, welcoming venue outside the home: a get-together at grandmother's house or a small pizza party with cousins. Role-playing with Mom in the dining room won’t sharpen skills as much as practicing them in a back-and-forth conversation with others.

>>Show her new worlds. School is an important part of your child's world, but not her only one. Expand your daughter's horizons by signing up her up for an activity that she loves -- kick boxing, Irish dancing -- and let the magic happen. Kids who share a passionate interest don't have to fish for things to talk about. It comes naturally during, and more importantly, after the activity. Set up play dates that center around their interest. If Irish dancing is your daughter's thing, rent a video of River Dance or go to a local performance with her friends from dance class.

>>Talk with him -- always. There is a fine line between prying and getting the front-page headlines about your child's week at school. Knowing that a popular classmate told him he couldn't sit at the lunch table gives you a head's-up to look for some of the negative consequences that rejection triggers -- and the savvy to nip them in the bud.

>> Accept him with all your heart. True, a mom and dad's acceptance doesn't compare with that of a cool classmate, but it takes away some of the hurt of being rejected. On some level, acceptance is healing, no matter where it comes from. So go easy on him -- instead of tearing down the smidgeon of confidence he has left by harping about math homework, bedrooms from hell, and lesser problems. There will be time enough for all that when he has regained his footing.

(additudemag.com)

Impulsivity strategy

Impulsivity is one of the hardest ADHD challenges to overcome. Why? Because we aren’t aware that we’re being impulsive, when we’re being impulsive. What we think, we do. There’s no filter between thought and action. Stay tuned over the next week or so for some strategies to develop that filter, and conquer your ADHD impulsivity.

#1 of 7: Reflect. After you’ve done something impulsive that you regret, ask yourself what you could have done differently. Make a mental note of it for future reference. Or better yet, keep a log. Don’t berate yourself, just learn from it.

#2 of 7: Slow down. Develop the habit of pausing before you answer someone. Sometimes if you give yourself more time, reason will step in and let you know that you’re about to do something you might regret.

#3 of 7: Identify situations where you tend to be impulsive. Shopping? Parties? Email? What are your triggers? For each of these situations, identify something you can use as a filter. For example if you’re prone to firing off inflammatory emails, consider a post-it on your computer that says “Think before you send”.

#4 of 7: Avoid temptation. Unsubscribe from all those shopping site newsletters. Don’t bring your credit card to the store with you.

#5 of 7: Take time to relax and recharge every day. If you build time into your schedule for the things that refresh you, you’ll be less likely to give in to them at inconvenient times.

#6 of 7: Before taking action, ask yourself some meaningful questions: How could this come back to hurt me later? Is this really how I want to be spending my time? Is this in service of what is truly important to me?

#7 of 7: Practice being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions in every moment.

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Hear what your Mind has been missing...

This week's ADHD Solution is: Punctuality.

A couple of my clients arrive a few minutes early for every appointment. I sometimes joke with them, “What are you doing here already? You have ADHD, you’re supposed to be late!” All kidding aside, I really do appreciate their punctuality. These folks take being on time seriously, and they’ve found ways to manage their ADHD tendency to be late.

To beat chronic lateness, you first need to understand what’s behind it. There are five basic reasons why we tend to be late: losing track of time, thinking you’re ready but you’re not, trying to squeeze in “just one more thing”, anxiety around being early, and unforeseen emergencies. Here’s how to deal with each one:

Losing track of time. People with ADHD typically have a weak sense of time. We usually aren’t aware of what time it is, or how long something will take. Audible alarms can really help. Set an alarm on your cell phone. Or if you’re using an electronic task management system like Microsoft Outlook or Google Calendar, set it up to notify you before the start of an event. Another possibility is to get a watch with an alarm feature, like the Timex Ironman.

Thinking you’re ready but you’re not. Just as you’re about to walk out the door, you realize you don’t have your gloves. Or your lunch. Or your shoes. Now you’ll be late, which is a shame because you were ready five minutes ago. A good way to deal with this is to do a “leaving now” drill as soon as you think you’re ready. Imagine that it’s time to go. Do you have everything you need in order to walk out the door? Are you fully dressed, including your shoes? Is all your stuff sitting by the door? If not, you’re not truly ready. Being ready in your mind is not the same thing as being ready in real life. And being ready only in your mind is going to make you late.

Trying to squeeze in “just one more thing”. As I wrote last week, that one more thing will always take longer than the time you have before you need to leave. Don’t even try it.

Anxiety around being early. Some people are uncomfortable with idle time. If you show up early, what will you do? Will you have to make idle chitchat (which can be difficult for some ADHDers)? Will you be bored and impatient? Plan ahead for what you might do if you arrive early. Practice your people skills, use the restroom, or just wait in the car and listen to music. Being exactly on time is very difficult, and if you’re not early, you’re probably going to be late.

Unforeseen emergencies. The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Build some buffer time into your schedule to allow for things that just can’t be avoided.

Which of these scenarios derails you the most?

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This week's ADHD Solution is: Just one more thing.

Have you ever gone down a rabbit hole? Where you’re working on a task, and then something pops into your head and you run off to take care of it, which leads to another thought and another action, until hours later you realize you forgot all about what you were supposed to be doing in the first place? If you have ADHD, I’ll bet this happens all the time.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you had some sort of signal that would alert you when you’re about to veer off track and fall into the rabbit hole? Actually, you already have one. It’s something you probably say to yourself all the time: “Just One More Thing”. Those four little words can wreak havoc on your plans. Ditto for synonyms “While I’m At It” and “Let Me Just…”. Why? Because One More Thing always leads to another. And that One Thing usually takes much longer than you thought.

Whenever you hear yourself mutter one of those phrases, do the translation. “Just One More Thing” really means “I’m about to lose control of my day”. It can also mean “I’m going to be late” or “I won’t get to bed on time” depending on the context. You might make a different choice when you think about it this way.

Remember the signal. Stay in control. Just say “No” to Just One More Thing.

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Can These Household Products Cause ADHD in Your Kids?

There is mounting evidence associating chemicals and products found in the home to ADHD in children. Here are the most common culprits - and alternatives to try instead.

As cases of ADHD continue to rise, parents and researchers alike hunt for potential causes and possible links. “Literature and research currently believes ADHD to be an inherited neurodevelopmental-behavioral disorder,” says Frank Barnhill, MD, an expert on ADHD and the author of Mistaken for ADHD. Yet, recent studies have linked ADHD and worsening symptoms to certain chemicals and common household products. Paint, bug spray, and food pesticides are all on the list. Find out some other surprising sources.

Lead Strongly Linked to ADHD

Of all the substances linked to ADHD, lead may have the strongest connection. Although government regulations drastically reduced lead found in automobile fuel and paint ingredients, it is still present in items like children's costume jewelry and toys, imported candles, and soil. “It is well established that lead intoxication leads to a syndrome closely resembling ADHD,” says Edward Hallowell, MD, a board-certified child and adult psychiatrist and author of two books on ADHD, Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction. A recent review study of lead and ADHD seems to confirm this fact, as the study author found multiple studies that linked higher blood levels of lead in children with higher levels of ADHD. If you are concerned about lead in your home, simple test kits are available to check lead levels.

Lead in Your Water Pipes

Most tap water is considered safe, but Barnhill says that, in some cases, water can be contaminated with lead from old pipes. Lead is a known contributor to ADHD symptoms in children, and a recent review article of lead and ADHD showed that in some studies, exposure to lead was more common from tap water than from other sources. To avoid this ADHD risk, you can test your water for lead content or simply filter your tap water to remove the impurities.

Organophosphates in Bugs Sprays and Pesticides

When it comes to pesticides and ADHD, organophosphates are commonly seen as a culprit. Organophosphates are found in some bug sprays, but they also can be ingested through fruits and vegetables that have been sprayed with these chemicals. “Foods treated with organophosphates for insects seem to cause neurologic-based behavior problems that mimic ADHD,” says Dr. Barnhill. A recent study confirmed these suspicions. It found that children with higher levels of organophosphates in their urine were much more likely to develop ADHD. To avoid this issue, feed your children organic fruits and vegetables and choose bug sprays without organophosphates.

Plastics

Plastics are virtually everywhere in our world. Two that have come under scrutiny as potential culprits for ADHD in children are phthalates, found in lotions, shampoos, and cosmetics, and bisphenol A, or BPA, which is used in many containers and in the lining of cans. Several studies that involved exposing rodents to these types of plastics showed neurological changes, including ADHD-like symptoms, as possible outcomes. To avoid these plastics, keep your children away from cosmetics, choose fresh foods over canned foods when possible, and avoid plastic containers that have a “No. 7” on the bottom — these are the ones that often contain BPA and may be linked to ADHD.

Food Colorings and Preservatives

When it comes to ADHD in children, colorings and preservatives in foods might play a role. “I have children in the practice that become very hyper when red dyes or nitrite-based food preservatives are ingested,” says Barnhill. “There are ongoing studies that might show a direct relationship to food dyes and ADHD, but the research will not be available until at least 2012.” In the meantime, the best way to avoid these potential ADHD culprits is to avoid pre-packaged and artificial foods in favor of more natural or organic choices.

Cigarette Smoke and ADHD

If you need another reason to quit, here it is: Cigarette smoke might be one of the causes of ADHD in children. “Cigarette smoke has been directly linked to a higher incidence of ADHD in kids exposed during pregnancy and shortly thereafter,” says Barnhill. A recent review article confirms this belief, stating that ADHD in children has been strongly linked to tobacco smoke exposure during pregnancy.

(everydayhealth.com)

This week's ADHD Solution is: Develop self-discipline.

Those of us with ADHD thrive on structure. We rely on having due dates, reminder systems, and daily schedules. But what happens when we lose that structure? When we go off to college, or decide to start a business, or even start our own exercise program when softball season is over? We have to create our own structure. And our success depends largely on our self discipline.

Most of us (myself included!) could use a little work in the self discipline department. We’re impulsive, and we want instant gratification. That’s a dangerous combination! It’s easy to focus on things that interest us, but we procrastinate on things that don’t. And if there’s no one to hold us accountable, chances are that we’ll never do the work that’s needed to further us towards our goals.

Developing self discipline is one of the most effective things you can do to combat ADHD impulsivity. The good news is that it can be done with practice. It’s just like building muscle – it will happen if you work at it regularly. An important first step is to actively decide to change. Commit to becoming more disciplined. Then make developing self discipline a goal of its own.

Any time you don’t feel like doing something, look at it as a perfect opportunity to practice your self discipline skills. Catch yourself in the act of blowing something off. Say to yourself, “I really don’t feel like doing this. But! Because I am working on self discipline, I am going to do it anyway.” Then do it. Savor the feeling of having pushed through the barrier. Share your victory with someone. Relishing your success will help motivate you in the future because you’ll remember how great it felt.

Another thing you can try is scheduling short tasks for yourself once or twice a day for the sole purpose of developing self discipline. It doesn’t really matter what the task is. It should be something easy that only takes a few minutes. You’ll wait for the scheduled time and start the task whether you feel like it or not. The important thing is that you honor your commitment to yourself, not that the task itself got completed. Track your progress so you can see your improvement over time. You might want to note how you felt each time and what mental processes you used to motivate yourself.

It helps to accept the fact that ADHD comes with a tendency towards procrastination. Expect that you will try to avoid your tasks. Allow yourself to feel the resistance. Then take a deep breath, remember your commitment, and do the right thing. Remind yourself that you are building that self discipline muscle. You are developing a habit. It will eventually get easier.

“With self discipline, all things are possible. Without it, even the simplest goal can seem like the impossible dream.” - Theodore Roosevelt

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This week's ADHD Solution is: Deal with internal distractions.

Distractibility is one of the predominant traits of ADHD. Not only do you have to deal with external distractions (“Look! A squirrel!”), but there are internal distractions, too. Random ideas appear out of nowhere. You suddenly remember something you wanted to do. We’re most often distracted by our own thoughts.

Given your impulsive nature, your most likely response to any sudden recollection is, “Oh, I’d better take care of that right now before I forget again!” This causes you to stop what you’re doing and start something else. Then you get distracted by another thought, and start another something else. You probably have a lot of projects going on as a result. Even if you don’t act on the impulse, worrying about forgetting again keeps you from focusing.

A great way to deal with this type of internal distraction is to jot it down instead of taking immediate action. Keep a notepad nearby, or use sticky notes or your smart phone. Or put it right into your task management system. By writing the thought down, you’ll know it’s been safely captured and won’t slip away – so your brain doesn’t feel the need to keep rehashing it for fear of losing it. You can wrap up what you’re working on, then go take care of the thing you remembered.

This works for random ideas, too. Many of our best ideas come at inconvenient times. Putting them on paper will keep them from slipping back into the ether. You’ll have something tangible to follow up on later. And you’ll be developing more control over your impulsivity.

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This week's ADHD Solution is: Underbook yourself.

Are you chronically overbooked? Do you habitually plan more than you can accomplish in a day? And then feel bad about yourself because you didn’t get it all done?

People with ADHD tend to underestimate how long things take. We also tend to not plan for contingencies, like bad traffic or unexpected phone calls. And we rarely account for our own distractibility and impulsivity when planning our days. As a result, we constantly feel rushed and stressed. And at the end of the day, we lament all that was left undone.

Try reversing the trend by underbooking yourself. Select your usual number of tasks for the day, and then choose half of them. Plan to do just those things. Notice how great you feel at the end of the day when you’ve gotten everything done. You probably haven’t done any less work than yesterday, but you feel much better about your accomplishments.

Cutting your list in half not enough? Select even fewer tasks tomorrow. Keep experimenting until you can forecast how much you can really fit into one day. Putting unrealistic demands on yourself increases your stress, which in turn makes your ADHD symptoms even harder to manage. Who needs that?

Underbooking yourself is one easy way to maintain a positive state of mind. That’s something we can all use.

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