Adult ADHD can be difficult to diagnose, even after years of symptoms. Here's how one woman identified her symptoms and is living well with ADHD.
By Michele Bloomquist
For Mara Bayewitz, a 38-year-old wife, mother of three, actor, and social worker from Maryland, figuring out what she needs to get done every day can feel like piecing together a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.
However, life is going a lot more smoothly since her attention deficit disorder (ADD) diagnosis — at age 33. Like many adults who attended school in the days before ADD and ADHD were commonly understood, Mara came to find a name for the confusing symptoms and feeling of being “different” when her own daughter was diagnosed with ADHD in the second grade.
Suddenly, it was like a light bulb was switched on. “I realized it was a neurobiological brain disorder that was causing my difficulty, not a personal failure or something that I could choose to overcome,” she says. “Once I understood it was a medical condition, I realized it was nothing to be ashamed of.”
Since that time, Mara has been speaking openly about her condition in hopes of raising awareness and helping others. She’s also joined and made public appearances for CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), a national organization aimed at raising awareness of the condition, and started a Facebook-based support group where fellow people with ADD and ADHD can connect, commiserate, brainstorm, and support each other.
“Research shows ADHD is both greatly under-diagnosed and misunderstood,” she says. “Helping other people has in turn helped me tremendously.”
After trying a fast-acting form of stimulant medication, which led to troubling peaks and valleys as the medication kicked in and then wore off, Mara and her doctor found a solution in a time-released version of ADHD medication, which she has taken ever since.
Still, some days continue to be better than others, she admits. On top of the medication, Mara has had to learn to create systems to help her do what seems to come easily and naturally to people without ADHD, like organize their day or decide which task in a list of many is the most important.
Mara admits that living with ADHD has pros and cons and probably has helped her in life as much as it has hurt. But yet, she isn’t one to sugarcoat the difficulties of thinking “different.” “I accept my ADD but I don’t ‘love it’,” she says. “People don’t understand how torturous it can be.”
Mara says she plans to continue talking about her condition openly in hopes that it will encourage others struggling in silence to reject myths and stereotypes about the condition and replace them with self-acceptance.“I hope that helping others understand ADD and ADHD will help them let go of the shame surrounding it,” she says.
Daily Life With ADHD: Mara’s Tips:
For Mara Bayewitz, a 38-year-old wife, mother of three, actor, and social worker from Maryland, figuring out what she needs to get done every day can feel like piecing together a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.
However, life is going a lot more smoothly since her attention deficit disorder (ADD) diagnosis — at age 33. Like many adults who attended school in the days before ADD and ADHD were commonly understood, Mara came to find a name for the confusing symptoms and feeling of being “different” when her own daughter was diagnosed with ADHD in the second grade.
Suddenly, it was like a light bulb was switched on. “I realized it was a neurobiological brain disorder that was causing my difficulty, not a personal failure or something that I could choose to overcome,” she says. “Once I understood it was a medical condition, I realized it was nothing to be ashamed of.”
Since that time, Mara has been speaking openly about her condition in hopes of raising awareness and helping others. She’s also joined and made public appearances for CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), a national organization aimed at raising awareness of the condition, and started a Facebook-based support group where fellow people with ADD and ADHD can connect, commiserate, brainstorm, and support each other.
“Research shows ADHD is both greatly under-diagnosed and misunderstood,” she says. “Helping other people has in turn helped me tremendously.”
After trying a fast-acting form of stimulant medication, which led to troubling peaks and valleys as the medication kicked in and then wore off, Mara and her doctor found a solution in a time-released version of ADHD medication, which she has taken ever since.
Still, some days continue to be better than others, she admits. On top of the medication, Mara has had to learn to create systems to help her do what seems to come easily and naturally to people without ADHD, like organize their day or decide which task in a list of many is the most important.
Mara admits that living with ADHD has pros and cons and probably has helped her in life as much as it has hurt. But yet, she isn’t one to sugarcoat the difficulties of thinking “different.” “I accept my ADD but I don’t ‘love it’,” she says. “People don’t understand how torturous it can be.”
Mara says she plans to continue talking about her condition openly in hopes that it will encourage others struggling in silence to reject myths and stereotypes about the condition and replace them with self-acceptance.“I hope that helping others understand ADD and ADHD will help them let go of the shame surrounding it,” she says.
Daily Life With ADHD: Mara’s Tips:
Mara says pulling the pieces together with ADHD requires a multi-pronged approach. “You really have to use all of the coping strategies together in order for them to work,” she says.
Tap into treatment: Many with ADHD or ADD suffer in silence, struggling to manage their condition on their own through sheer willpower. “It doesn’t work,” Mara says. She likens doing so to a diabetic trying to manage their blood sugar without insulin or medication. So don’t hesitate to go to your doctor and try medication, behavioral counseling, or a combination of the two. Getting the right care will make managing ADHD much easier.
Stop beating yourself up: Mara says many people with ADHD or ADD have endured a lifetime of criticism from others because of their symptoms, which can lead to a lot of negative self-talk. “Be kind to yourself,” she says. When that critical internal voice starts talking, be ready to recognize it and replace it with some more positive and constructive inner dialog instead.
Educate yourself: “One problem with ADHD is you don’t know what you don’t know,” Mara says. Many people with the condition are so used to its symptoms, they may not even recognize them or realize how they are impacting themselves and others. That ah-ha moment came for her while reading a magazine on ADHD published by CHADD, she says. “It was like every article was written about me,” she says. “It was an eye opener!”
Become your own advocate: Once you understand your condition, you can start letting others know what you need from them to succeed. “You don’t have to wear ADHD like a ribbon,” Mara says. But you can ask people to write down what they need you to do, remind you of a verbal discussion with an e-mail, or approach something that isn’t working in a new way. For example, Mara struggled with a complex budget document at work until she asked a co-worker to gray out all of the information she didn’t need to focus on. Bingo. Suddenly making sense of the massive amount of information got a lot easier.
Reach out to others: Mara finds connecting with others who also live with ADHD to be a lifeline and highly recommends tapping into an online or in-person support group. Mara formed a Facebook group on the topic for just that reason. “When I need support, have to vent, or want to share a success, it’s just a text or post away,” she says.
(everydayhealth.com)
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