Different recovery tools

A few days ago, I had to block a lady with CPTSD on FB who thought I was weak because I was distraught about ruining an excellent job opportunity for no apparent reason. 

Instead of being empathetic and gentle, she basically told me that I was so weak and needy and that I should man up; she tried to push her recovery tools on me, judged mine, and looked down on the doctors that I like to follow on FB, though clearly not knowing them, for she - e.g. - thought Dr. Doyle was a she.

Anyway.

DON'T be like your abuser, be smart and be the person you needed and wished for when you were abused or upset! Be smart and learn from others how you DON'T want to be, and remember:

Clarity

 

Healing

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Ein Beitrag geteilt von Fearless Soul (@iamfearlesssoul)

Growing Up With Emotionally Immature Parents

Your Score: 34 (Out of 40)

A score between 20 and 40 suggests that you have likely experienced parental emotional immaturity.

Did You Grow Up with Emotionally Immature Parents?

When caregivers are selfish, distant, and dismissive, their children carry anxiety and low self-worth into adulthood. Begin your healing journey here.

Growing up, did you feel that your parents’ needs came before your own, or that you could never please them? Were they dismissive of your ADHD-related struggles because it was easier to believe your symptoms weren’t real than it was to seek help? Did your parents try to control you, discourage your independence, or make you feel that you had to care for them?

Emotionally immature parents exert a toxic force that can leave lingering scars. Their children often carry anxiety and low self-esteem into adulthood, leading to unhealthy relationships and destructive behavioral patterns. Not surprisingly, emotional immaturity is a leading cause of parent-adult child estrangement, according to a Cornell University survey.

Were My Parents Self-Absorbed?

Traits commonly exhibited by emotionally immature caregivers:

• Egocentricity: Self-absorption and lacking self-awareness; a child’s emotional needs are sidelined, even if material needs are met,
• Mental rigidity: Little respect for differences and defensiveness when challenged.
• Low stress tolerance: Difficulty coping when things don’t go their way.
• Inconsistency and unpredictability: Shifting rules and expectations; affection feels conditional.
• Intense but shallow emotions: Quick mood changes, rarely with nuance.

Tactics of Emotionally Immature Parents

• Parentification: Expecting children to take on unreasonable, inappropriate adult responsibilities, like mediating parents’ arguments or acting as their therapist.
• Gaslighting: Questioning a child’s memory, judgment, or sense of reality.
• Moving the goal posts: Shifting and changing expectations without rewarding progress.
• Guilt-tripping: Making a child feel bad for their choices, becoming resentful or playing the victim if confronted.
• Rug-sweeping: Ending arguments without resolution or acknowledgement of the issue.
• Favoritism: Treating one sibling as the “golden child,” while making the others feel invisible.
• Intrusiveness: Lacking boundaries and feeling entitled to a child’s personal life.
• Straw man arguments: Misrepresenting or distorting a child’s views, often putting them on the defensive.
• Blame game: Rarely accepting accountability.
• Strings attached: Giving gifts only with conditions that are later held against the child.
• Questioning worth: Making a child feel they must constantly prove their worth.

You can read the full article on ADDitude.

Forgiveness during Trauma Recovery

Personally, I am not a big fan of forgiveness, though of course, each to their own, and also depending on the definition of the word "forgiveness".

I've seen on the Internet that many use the word "forgiveness" in the sense of "pardoning", in the sense of "it's ok", but there is nothing ok about physical, psychological, emotional, maybe also financial, or perhaps even sexual abuse and/or neglect. It is not ok what people have done to us. It is not ok what we had to endure.

Merriam-Webster also suggests the word "release" as a synonym for "forgiveness," and I think THIS is important: letting go of bad memories and negative emotions, being done with them, and remembering something without feeling hurt and/or angry.

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Ein Beitrag geteilt von Anselma Fröhlich (@ans3lma)

I didn't become a monster

Standing up for the scapegoat in the family

When I was little, my dad and I were the scapegoats for my mum and my sister. It got worse for me when I got older and took the side of my dad, while my dad let me down by teaming up with them by staying silent and giving them all his money, while I was almost homeless

Isolation of the scapegoat

And all this gets even worse when you get blamed for one of the extended family members with whom you actually never had contact - as happened to me in a job interview recently 🙇

I am!

 😌

Healing out loud

💪

Misunderstanding about CPTSD

A parent turning a blind eye to abuse

The Emotional Resilience Playbook for People with Big Emotions

Big emotions spill over sometimes. It happens, especially when ADHD brings with it emotional dysregulation. But by developing emotional resilience we can learn to minimize the damage caused by big emotions and hone emotionally healthy responses in the future. Here’s how.

ADHD brains are routinely hijacked by big emotions — and big problems often follow.

Sometimes, adults with ADHD react with big emotions when things don’t go according to expectations. Even minor frustrations and interruptions can cause us to overreact with an outburst or meltdown, making it hard to complete tasks and maintain relationships.

This emotional dysregulation creates a vicious cycle, dooming us to repeat the same reaction again and again.

We can’t always stop big emotions from spilling over, but we can learn to minimize the damage they cause to others and ourselves and develop emotionally healthy responses in the future. This process of developing emotional resilience is critical. But first, we need to understand how we process our emotions: by hurling or by hiding.

....

Calming Big Emotions

Here are some more catharsis tips:

• Sit up, push back your shoulders, and take a deep breath.
• Vomit words (i.e., rant) safely.
• Move your body.
• Try tapping (also known as Emotional Freedom Technique).
• Consider self-havening, or therapeutic touch, 
• Cool down.
• Establish daily practices
• Choose how you want to feel.

Read the full article on Additudemag.com

Waking up every morning anxious about … something

I don't know how Dr. Doyle does it, he always knows how I am feeling and what I am thinking and/or wondering about! 

5 Tips to Control Interrupting Others if You Live with ADHD

Interrupting is a common characteristic of those with ADHD, often negatively impacting professional and social connections. But simple techniques exist that may help you socialize better.

Living with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can lead to communication challenges, especially in social settings.

One of these challenges is interrupting others during conversation, which can be frustrating for everyone involved. Understanding why it happens can help you implement communication techniques to control interrupting others if you have ADHD.

Communication techniques to overcome interrupting others 

While there are quite a few reasons someone with ADHD might interrupt others, there are also ways to control it. Continuing to interrupt could:

make the speaker feel devalued

cause misunderstandings and conflict

strain personal and professional relationships

1. Practice active listening

2. Take notes

3. Count to three before speaking

4. Hold something you can fidget with

5. Use nonspeaking cues

Read the full article on PsychCentral.com

Trauma & Healing #8

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Ein Beitrag geteilt von Anselma Fröhlich (@ans3lma)

The loneliest kind of healing

Forgiveness

Trauma & Healing #7

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Ein Beitrag geteilt von Anselma Fröhlich (@ans3lma)

How to Tap the Brakes on Runaway Emotions

Runaway emotions cause more than drama. They undermine relationships, sap motivation, and lead to regretful actions. Here, learn everyday strategies for keeping ADHD emotions from boiling over by better managing your brain.

People with ADHD feel emotions more intensely than others do. When they feel happiness and excitement, it makes them more interesting and engaging. But strong emotion has its downside as well.

People with ADHD are impulsive. They get carried away by what they are feeling, and act on it without considering how it will affect other people or themselves. If you see something interesting at the store, you may get excited and buy that item and forget the rest of your shopping list.

This is the challenge of emotional self-control - having the appropriate emotion and feeling it at the right intensity. When it comes to getting things done, people with ADHD struggle with both sides of the equation.

They get excited about distractions and get bored with the tasks they should be doing. They can’t hunker down. They can’t get things done. They may wonder, “Why am I so emotional all the time?”

Lack of emotional control creates common and predictable struggles in daily life:

• Sharing too much - there are times when it’s better not to reveal too much, such as at a work meeting or when trying to manage a frustrating child.
• Behaving spontaneously - without stopping and thinking before acting.
• Having “motivational deficit disorder” - people with ADHD have a harder time motivating themselves to start and finish tasks that aren’t interesting. Giving in to emotions brings this disorder on.
• Losing the big picture - leading to decisions that they may later regret.
• Losing the other person’s perspective - leading to self-centeredness or stepping on a friend’s feelings.
• Saying something you later regret.
• Showing anger or frustration - undermining relationships with friends, family, or your boss.
• Quitting a job on an impulse.

15 Good Habits Your Brain Craves (But Isn’t Getting)

Read more on Additudemag.com.

Learn to enjoy small differences

Healing from narcissistic abuse

The need for real connections

I did the same as what is mentioned in the second comment to Dr. Doyle's post, and was considered uncooperative in some companies. I was even bullied for doing this. So now I have changed my strategy, endure it for 30 min/workday, and often don't mind it anymore. I have even started enjoying it at times.

Looking like we’re “fine”

Don't take anything personally

Daily Creativity for Healing

I believe it's because it creates, while they only destroy. Because it makes you happy, while they are not happy.

What to say when someone apologizes

 I think, this is a pretty good idea, not that many people apologize these days 😏

How healing can show up

 *sigh*