The ADHD Effect on Sex & Self-Worth

For many women with ADHD, impulsivity and low self-esteem lead to risky encounters and a search for validation. Here’s how to break free from toxic patterns.

Many teenage girls and young women with ADHD come of age feeling different or misunderstood. To fit in, gain acceptance, or feel loved, some engage in sexual activity, mistaking it for intimacy or a gateway to true relationships.

Research suggests that women with ADHD are more likely than their neurotypical peers to engage in sexual exploration at a younger age and to have multiple sexual partners. Their behavior is often an attempt to find validation or soothe the emotional chaos that ADHD can create. For some, it’s a way to fill the void created by low self-esteem or a lack of meaningful connections.

Here’s what that looks like for the women with ADHD who have trouble setting boundaries, misjudge risk, and suffer poor self-esteem: In seeking connection, they find themselves in risky encounters without considering the potential consequences. They tolerate disrespect or unsafe situations to avoid rejection.

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From a young age, females with ADHD endure criticism for being impulsive, disorganized, and/or emotionally labile. These experiences can create a narrative of self-doubt, where they internalize the idea that they are the problem. This mindset doesn’t disappear in adulthood and often affects their relationships.

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Making Healthy Choices

Read the whole article on ADDitude.

ADHD Frequencies?

Astonishingly, this frequency helped me. As soon as I turned on the sound, my brain stopped, though I can't say that the sound itself is the most comfy 😏

View the short video on Instragram.

5 Signs Someone in Your Life is a Real "Demon"

A demon in a non-religious sense.

My late father was no.2, my mother was no. 2-5 - That's why I broke off contact and am now healing very slowly.

ADHD Hyperfixation

© Simply Psychology on Instagram.

Narcissistic Mothers & Their Children

Autism & People-Pleasing As A Coping Mechanism

Traumatized people and people with ADHD also mask, that's why I am sharing these excellent articles:

Simply Psychology by Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc:

Autism & People-Pleasing As A Coping Mechanism

Many autistic people know the feeling of always saying “yes” – even when every part of them wants to say “no.”

You might go out of your way to keep others happy, or mask your true feelings just to avoid conflict. As one autistic person shared online, “My masking mostly comes from people-pleasing and wanting to be liked. In my mind as a child, not being liked by others = you are a bad person.”

What Is People-Pleasing (and How Does It Relate to Autism)?

People-pleasing is a behavior pattern where someone habitually prioritizes others’ happiness and approval above their own needs. It often means always agreeing, helping, or “being nice” to others, even at personal expense.

Psychologists sometimes call this the “fawn response,” a trauma-coping mechanism where a person appeases others to avoid conflict or harm​.

...

Always Saying “Yes”

You reflexively agree to requests and demands. As Dr. Devon Price describes in Unmasking Autism, a masked autistic person may adopt a default script of always saying “yes” to avoid conflict​.

This can happen even when you’re overloaded or really don’t want to do something. This constant compliance becomes second-nature.

Chronic Apologizing (something I still do)

You apologize frequently, even when something isn’t your fault. This can stem from a deep fear of upsetting others.

For example, autistic individuals who “fawn” might say sorry for things beyond their control, just to keep others calm​.

Difficulty Saying No & Weak Boundaries (I used to do that, but have learned to kindly say "No!" and am still surprised that people actually don't get upset with me when I do.)

People-pleasers struggle to set boundaries. Autistic people prone to this may find it “a major hurdle” to say no, readily agreeing to things even when they feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed​.

You might ignore your own sensory limits or mental health needs just to avoid disappointing someone else.

Masking True Feelings and Needs

To appear easy-going, you might hide signs of distress, refrain from stimming when you need to, or force yourself to endure situations that cause anxiety. You present a polite, accommodating facade at all times.

Over time, you may even lose touch with what you really feel, because you’re so used to pushing your needs aside.

Being a Social Chameleon (Neurotypicals also do that, but maybe not so extensively.)

Many autistic people who people-please become social chameleons, constantly changing their behavior or even appearance to match others’ expectations.

The goal is to fly under the radar socially – or, as Dr. Lee put it, “to gain neurotypical approval, or at least fly under the neurotypical radar.”​

In practice, this might mean laughing along with jokes you don’t find funny, mirroring classmates or coworkers, or pretending to share opinions just to fit in.

Why Autistic People Are Prone to People-Pleasing

People-pleasing among autistic individuals typically stems from social conditioning, autistic traits, and trauma responses. Here are key motivations behind this behavior:

Masking to Gain Acceptance

From childhood, many autistic individuals learn that their natural behaviors are viewed as wrong or odd, leading them to mask their true selves.

Masking often involves becoming overly agreeable to avoid rejection or ridicule.

Psychologist Dr. Tasha Oswald explains that autistic girls, in particular, may mask heavily through people-pleasing to secure acceptance and safety.

Fear of Rejection & Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Autistic individuals frequently experience intense fear of rejection. Those with co-occurring ADHD might also struggle with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism.

To minimize rejection risks, they may engage excessively in people-pleasing behaviors, tolerating unfair treatment and suppressing personal opinions.

This response temporarily reduces conflict but reinforces fears about expressing their true selves.

Trauma and “Fawn” Response

A history of trauma, such as bullying or abuse, can trigger people-pleasing as a protective strategy (fawning).

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You don’t have to give a thousand excuses; a simple “I’m not able to do that” is enough. If direct communication is hard, you can use tools like texting your boundary or using “I” statements: “I really need some quiet time this weekend, so I won’t be able to join the outing, but I hope you all have fun.”

Each time you set a boundary and survive it, you’ll build confidence that you can respect yourself and still be loved.

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As the saying goes, the only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.

You can read the full article here.

Or:

7 Masks We Use to Hide Our Faults by ADDitude Magazine.

Why ADHD Masking Is a Form of Self-Sabotage by ADDitude Magazine.

10 Steps to Unmasking and Thriving with ADHD by ADDitude Magazine.

When you are the Black Sheep

I've experienced exactly that! Then I broke off all contact, and most of the anxiety was gone! Now all I have to do is break the learned trauma patterns ^^

How Untreated ADHD Triggers Depression and Anxiety

I can fully agree to this. My doctor told me to stop taking Concerta after an MRI showed white spots on my brain several years ago.

For several years, things went "well" because I focused on overcoming traumas that caused anxiety, but now that the anxiety has almost vanished, the ADHD symptoms show up as intense as ever, if not more intense. Since I am also getting older and the perimenopause exacerbates symptoms, it is now the time to retake Concerta, as things like Mindfulness, etc., do not work well for me. Also, there are no white spots on my brain anymore, according to a quite recent MRI.

I know I am - like many other people with ADHD, AuDHD, etc. - smarter, more capable, and therefore more worthy than what our liferealities might suggest!

...

ADHD does not happen in a vacuum, and its effects are far more impairing when the condition goes undiagnosed, untreated, or improperly treated.

Untreated ADHD Causes Feelings of Inadequacy

Undiagnosed and/or untreated ADHD makes children, teens, and adults who are otherwise bright and competent feel severely inadequate. It’s not difficult to see how; untreated symptoms of ADHD, from impulsivity and emotional instability to poor planning and execution skills compromise one’s ability to find success in school, work, relationships, and other parts of life. Ongoing challenges and failures, especially when the root cause is neither identified nor treated, makes these individuals feel like failures — like they aren’t trying hard enough. Self-esteem, as a result, plummets.

Other emotions — like anger, resentment, and feelings of worthlessness — often come up as a result of experiencing challenges related to undiagnosed and/or untreated ADHD. Emotional sensitivity and reactivity are not uncommon, especially strong emotional responses to failure. These emotions cause depression and anxiety to develop. Irritability and feelings of worthlessness, after all, are symptoms of depression.

You can read the full article on ADDitude.

Ableism for Autistic and/or ADHD traits

Same goes for ADHD...

 

Childhood Trauma

 4 (1, 3 ,4 and 5) out of 6 - not bad, right! 😉

ADHD & Headache

Yesterday I stumbled over a German language ADHD website and it had an article on it about ADHD & headache - what an Aha!-moment that was!

I would have never thought that my almost daily headache might also come from my ADHD!

Personally, I haven't found out what the trigger is. I don't think it's stress but tension and bright office light combined with people constantly talking, but probably mostly bright light, which is stupid because I can't stand dark and hygge rooms. Sometimes I even need high dose Ibuprofen and (about 1h later) an Aspirin (I am not a doctor, but according to a study both medications should not be taken together, as they both bind to the same receptors and therefore do not both work together.)

I found the best description on oxfordcbt:

... Imagine your brain as a computer with too many tabs open at once. Each tab represents a task, thought, or piece of information your brain is trying to process simultaneously. 

For someone with ADHD, it’s like all those tabs are constantly refreshing and demanding attention, leading to mental fatigue. This mental strain can easily translate into physical discomfort, such as headaches. ...

So why are headaches more common in those with ADHD? Your mind is constantly sprinting between distractions and tasks without rest. This mental marathon wears out the brain, leading to the physical symptoms we recognise as headaches. The continuous effort to focus, manage distractions, and stay on track can leave your brain feeling drained and aching. ...

Hormonal changes throughout a woman’s life—such as during menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause—can have a significant impact on both ADHD symptoms and migraine patterns. 

Oestrogen, a hormone that fluctuates during these periods, plays a key role in how migraines develop. For example, during the menstrual cycle, drops in oestrogen levels can trigger what is known as “menstrual migraines,” which can be more severe and frequent in women with ADHD 

The best article on that issue that I could find is from ADDitude:

... Though few connect the two, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and headaches can be linked in important ways. Research shows that people with ADHD are at greater risk for experiencing headaches (including migraines, a type of primary headache) compared to people without ADHD.1 2 3 What’s more, headaches are common in other psychiatric conditions, many of which co-occur with ADHD.

Though the underlying connections between ADHD and headaches are not fully understood, headaches cause undue pain and stress in patients as they attempt to manage existing ADHD symptoms and challenges. Still, the medical community largely overlooks or dismisses the association, to the disservice of patients. ...

One study estimates that migraines occur with ADHD about 35% of the time in adult patients. ...

The following are some examples of how symptoms, challenges, and other features of ADHD may lead to headaches:

• Time-management and self-regulation difficulties may lead to problems adhering to sleep-wake schedules. An irregular sleep schedule is a major factor behind headaches.
• Disorganization can cause irregular habits (poor eating, hydration, etc.), which may trigger headaches and migraines.
• ADHD is linked to increased risk for concussions and head injuries, which may lead to headaches as well. Post-concussion headaches are linked to lingering cognitive and concentration problems.
• Headaches are a common side effect of ADHD medications. Loss of appetite and trouble sleeping – common causes behind headaches – are also commonly reported side effects of medication.

Another very good article on psychologytoday.com says:

There are some interesting findings in the few studies that have been published, however. One is that dopamine is involved in migraines as well as in ADHD. Many people know that ADHD involves the dopaminergic pathways of the brain. Fewer people know that migraine symptoms can be provoked by the stimulation of dopamine receptors, and that some drugs that are active on dopamine receptors are effective migraine treatments. Additionally, compared to people without migraines, people who suffer from recurrent migraines may respond differently to some drugs affecting the brain’s dopamine system.

Moreover, the two conditions commonly overlap: Migraine seems to be a risk factor for ADHD, and ADHD seems to be a risk factor for migraines. To put it another way, people with migraines seem to have a higher-than-average incidence of ADHD, and people with ADHD seem to have a higher-than-average incidence of migraines. This holds true in both kids and adults. And it doesn’t seem to matter which “kind” of ADHD you have: Whether your ADHD is predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive, or the combined type, you still have a higher risk of migraine headaches. Conversely, it doesn’t seem to matter (at least not much) whether you have migraine with aura or migraine without aura: Both seem to be associated with a higher risk for ADHD. 

I can really recommend reading at least all three articles which also provide ideas on how to relieve the headache.

Justice Sensitivity In Autistic (and other Neurodivergent) People

That's quite me - my ex-boss and company couldn't stand it and tbh no matter where I go neurotypical people do not seem to understand it! 

By Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Reviewed by Saul McLeod, PhD

Autism justice sensitivity refers to a heightened sense of fairness, equity, and inclusion, coupled with a strong need to address and correct injustices​. In essence, it means being extremely attuned to when something is not fair or right.

Research and anecdotal evidence suggest that autistic (and other neurodivergent) people tend to have higher levels of justice sensitivity compared to neurotypicals​, though of course, it varies by person.

Importantly, autism justice sensitivity isn’t only about distress – it also ties into social justice and inclusion in positive ways.

Autistic advocates point out that being keenly aware of unfairness often drives them to take action against it. The neurodiversity movement itself (which fights for autistic rights and acceptance) is rooted in Autistic people’s awareness of injustice and refusal to tolerate it​.

You can find the full article on simplypsychology.org

Me, if I was Alice!

Neurodivergent rage