For Partners of Adults with ADD/ADHD:
- Eliminate distracting noises (turn off the TV or computer) before speaking with your partner.
- Touch your partner on the arm or shoulder before speaking, allowing him time to shift his focus from what he was doing to the conversation you are having.
- Ask your partner to repeat what you've said, to make sure it was understood.
- Speak concisely, eliminating superfluous detail.
For Adults with ADD/ADHD:
- Recognize that listening closely to your partner means that you value him.
- Listen first, respond second. Set aside what you were doing, what you're thinking of doing when your partner finishes talking, or unrelated topics. If you need time to shape a response, ask for it.
- Use relaxation techniques to clear your mind before important conversations.
For Couples:
- For some topics, e-mail works best. An adult with ADD/ADHD needs time to formulate a response, without feeling the pressure of having to respond immediately.
- Don't insist on eye contact when talking about something important. Eye contact distracts some ADHDers.
- Walk and talk. Exercise reduces stress and increases blood flow to the brain.
When these strategies fall short, consider taking a stimulant, if you're not doing so already. "Stimulants often help transmit messages more reliably," Kutscher says, "as well as enabling the person to pay attention to the information being talked about." Both are essential to sustaining a relationship.
(additudemag.com)
